I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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