You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
