Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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