Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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