just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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