I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
