Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
