There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
