what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
