i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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