there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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