Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize