My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
