dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
