planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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