i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
