If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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