Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
