you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
