It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
