She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
