You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
