her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's just like the Real World with babies
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
