Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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