Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
