She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
