trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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