do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
