At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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