they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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