Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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