Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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