ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize