i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
