So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
