I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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