last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize