Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
