I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize