Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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