he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
