Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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