I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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