so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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