She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize