My room smells like vodka and shame
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
