So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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