I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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