you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
