I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
