My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
