I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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