i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
