Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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