He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize