Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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