She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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