Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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