I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
