Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
