I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
