We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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