every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
