The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
