Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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