I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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