'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
