What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
