The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize