i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
