their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
