This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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