I'm passing your future prison.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
