I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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