dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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