It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
