it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
