i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize