Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
