the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
