There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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