I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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