I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
