Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
