fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We are two peas in an std pod
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
