sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
whose parrot is this?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
