I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
