he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
