oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
