I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
