The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
