Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
