Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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