I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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