I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who died my cat blue again?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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