I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
