wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
