I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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