the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
