I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
