Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
