well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
