Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
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