We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
