Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
