You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
