3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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